he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
