I wannas sexs uuuuu
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize