im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
