dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
