I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
