I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
