the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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