Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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