Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize