well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
