do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
