He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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