this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
