I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize