I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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