sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
