My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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