You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I could make wine with my vomit
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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