Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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