Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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