she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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