So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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