He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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