hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
