she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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