There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
