i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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