I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
