how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
