dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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