Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
