Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
