When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
