When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
