I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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