As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize