I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
