she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
