i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize