the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
