420 ftw
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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