i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
