Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
