I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize