Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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