Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
