Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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