Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
