If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You are a genius and a whore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize