She's JV to your varsity
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
