Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
