I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
