You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You did what with his pubic hair?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
