Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
