You made me cry and you don't even care
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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