i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
