Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
