the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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