Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
