i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
