She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
