His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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