you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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