I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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