Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
