She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
