Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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